28 September 2008,
and i

i am so bored at home :( all i could do is to look through all the pictures that I've took with my classmates.. really I'm gonna miss them..
hey to count the days, i couldn't realize that 2 more days Ramadan's going to end and its Hari Raya!! for god sake I'm so happy followed by sad. Since i was nine, i didn't get to say sorry and kiss my father hand on Hari Raya.. I didn't even get the last kiss from my dad.. i really miss him.. there's only one thing that he left for me and that was my red acoustic GUITAR. he bough it for me because he knows that i loves music that much. every night i pray that my dad will be OK.. every fear that comes in my minds it reminds me of my dad.. i still remember while brother, fadil was away to France to continue his study there, my dad came home drunk and he was so angry with mom because mom knows about his scandals and mom whack that lady up. he punched and slap mom in front of me.. i cry and got myself to frighten.. till now i remember his words.. if ever i step out of my room I'll get whacked even worse than mom so i did not came out of my room.. now, to think again i should have come out from my room and stopped my dad from whacking my mom up.its ok if i got bitten up by my dad but not my mom. she gives me everything she even sacrifice for me.and if i've stopped my daddy from bitten my mom upmy family wont end like this.. why did daddy say that he loves me but he left me all alone while i was young. why do things happen to me. i dont deserve this. if i've helped my mom not by now, her right hand is OK and she wouldn't have to pay for hospital bills for 2 years .. i was small and was afraid of things.. finger are all pointed at me.. and i think if I've helped mom, mom wouldn't have react to like how she's now.. i just feel like as if I'm adopted.. i dun feel like I'm fadil and fadli's sister... my mom always scold me and hate me for nothing i know i may not be as smart as both brother.. but i have a feelings and I'm hurt in the inside when mom say something about me.. and also i remember the day when i accompany mom at the kitchen, dad came home like usual drunk, he shouted at mom and stuff then i hide behind the dinner table and he saw me what he did was to push the tables at me and i cry.. i was luck that abng fadil was at home he helped me and stop me from crying..
now i just want to meet my dad and to say sorry to him and it could be our last seen or hug or kiss..
harsh..
i just miss my daddy...