06 November 2008,
i dont know how to put it into words...

on the inside, everything was being gradually shrink wrapped, store out of my side... there was never a time where i forgot my earlier life.. the abuse, the violence and how it all ended just like that by leaving his foot steps and forget about us.. things happen yes it does but this kind of memories bring into my bed and also to make me unwell by listening things again and again.. i thought that it would fade as i've grown eventually, it dosen't fade away..it was all bound together in my mind with the sepration.. i couldn't forget him.. i would think of what had happened on the past sometimes, but without feelings.. at other times, not thinking of anything at all. i would suddenly feel things for no reason, stopped in my tracks with emotions i didn't understand..
this things really put me into pressure.. i couldn't talk to anyone about this once i start to topic it hurts.. it feels like as if im swollowing a big fat pillow throw down my throat and it have been stuck for quite sometimes.. i couldn't thing of a way to solve my problem.. i keep thinking of someone that i've hurt.. they don't need to be mentioned.. they know who they are.. and i just want to run away for this life and to forget everyone so they wont black listed me.. i cant stop things now.. maby he've moved.. maby he've hated me.. maby he've forgot me.. i just dont want to keep on wondering this problem.. and maby because of this our story would be tared appart and we shall stop the story here.. like how i've dream before.. maby this is the end.. and im sorry.. i can lean forward.. i need to find what i want.. and i need to go backward to find happiness....