09 February 2009,
no grants

all i wish for is a dream come true.. to live in a fairy world with a happy ending.. but there's nothing happy for me.. hiding it dosen't help at all. keep smiling and laughing are just lies, nothing is posibably happy for me.. he loose his job and he lose his girlfriend.. i still love him.. i wanted to be with him. but i made the move to chase him out from my heart..
somethimes i wish i could tell everyone how i feel in the inside but i know no one will care.. no one wanna know about it anyway.. sitting under the stars dosent make me feel better.. no one will know what i feel truely deeply inside me.. hates, disrespectful, change, rumors.. all facing me now.. i pretend that nothing happen.. i acted nothing is going on.. my life is just a waste in the world. i dont think people even need me.. no one likes.. no one cares.. no one love.. no happy ending.. then why live the world without happy ending? though its still in a young age why other parties can be together till now and why cant i? mom told me maybe its not time for me to be in a BGR stage.. but what i want it someone to love me.. someone to care .. im giving up my hopes.. nothing els i can do.. well tell you what? im just acting as pernormal when im not.. crying inside me.. pain all over me.. im not having a problem with my boyfriend but also my family.. my brother seems like he dont care or loves me.. my mom gives me too much freedom with i dont want freedom.. i mean by giving freedom its like she's giving me to do everything i want and also seems like she dont care about me.. my dad.. just remarried with this batam lady which my mama asked me to follow her to watch my dad's marrage ceremony .. tell me, which daughter or son wants to see his or her dad getting married with other people.. everyone is thinking of themself.. no one cares about me. guess, there's no valentine for me this year.. no one to celebrate with.. all my plans and my hope are distroyed.. nothing is left just footsteps and memories to be remembered.. mom keep on asking me to forget him.. she likes him but she wants me to study too..
all i ever want is my dream to be true.. just like a fairytale.. with a happy ending..
take a breath, i pull myself together just another steps till i reached the door u'll never know the way, you tears me up inside to see you i wish i that i could tell u to take it all away..